DONTS …

HURTFUL

It does not matter whether you allow the grieving person more or less time than they need or make suggestions on what should be difficult or not – comments like those mentioned below are unhelpful as they lead to self-judgment or guilt about the situation experienced.

• Time heals all wounds.
• It will get better with time.
• The first year is the hardest.
• Take your time.
• He is in a better place.
• She was not meant to suffer any longer.
• It was for the best.
• Better it happened now than in x amount of time (days, weeks, months, years).
• I know how you feel.
• It must be hard.
• You must feel terrible!
• God needed a special angel.
• It was God’s plan.
• God/Life/The Universe will never give you more than you can handle

It was meant to be this way.

• It was his life’s plan.
• She did what she came here to do and it was her time to go.

UNHELPFUL

• You just need to get back to your old self.

• Chin up!
• Distract yourself.
• You need to… (followed by any suggestion).
• I know how you feel, I lost my grandmother (or dad or pet).
• I can imagine how hard it must be.
• You can’t fall apart
• Get a hold of yourself
• Don’t get upset
• Just give it time
• Be strong
• Keep busy

CLICHÉS

Say nothing or “I don’t know what to say” instead of any platitude.

• Life goes on.
• It will be all right.
• There is a reason for everything.
• It’s all for the best.
• You have two other children
• At least you had your child for x number of years.
• You should think about your husband/wife
• How are things at home?
• Was she in pain?
• Have another baby!
• You can have other children!
• You’re kidding!
• That’s not good
• You need to keep yourself busy.
• Distract yourself!
• You need some time to yourself.
• You need to look after her/him (said to wife, husband, sibling)
• It’s all for the better.
• At least . . . did not suffer.
• You have 3 other beautiful children.
• You’re lucky it was early on (in case of a miscarriage).
• You are so strong.
• You’ll find somebody else

To download a printable version of this, click HERE.